A Brief Summary of Christian Theology


Once upon a time God created a man and a woman (reason: probably so they could worship Him).

God foresees that man is going to screw up big time but made him anyway.

A talking snake tells them to eat an apple, and that is the beginning of all human suffering.

God tells a 600-year-old man to build a floating zoo.

The animals manage to survive the flood and all of life on earth today are descendants of the pairs collected on the ark.

God sets an example of faith by telling a guy to kill his own son.

God tells people to go on killing sprees.

And commands other people to eat their own children.

Then He sends some bears to kill some other children.

A man lives in a whale.

Some guys are trying to build a tower to reach the heavens. For some reason God feels threatened, so he makes them all talk funny so they won’t understand each other.

Jesus introduces the concept of eternal damnation as a solution to human suffering.

God loves His children so much that, to demonstrate his love, He sends His own child down to be gruesomely tortured and killed.

Jesus died for your sins! But, oh wait! He resurrected, so he didn’t die after all.

God knows of our suffering but doesn’t want to intervene, since He gave us free-will — as if he never intervened in the past. [scroll up]

God can help you win a football game but can’t help end poverty.

Because that would be violating our free-will.

Any questions?

No? OK, keep believing.