God, and the dissociative identity disorder (DID)
Dear Dr. Cooley,
I have a friend named Yahweh (no, doctor, he isn’t imaginary) and I think he might have the dissociative identity disorder (DID), also known as split personality.
This is kind of like the story of Dr Jeckell and Mr Hyde, only it’s Jesus Christ vs Yahweh. And it goes like this. Yahweh is God, and Jesus is the son of Yahweh, and Jesus is God as well. Confusing, right? I know. Anyway, I’m more concerned about the ‘Yahweh’ side. Basically, Yahweh sent his child (ie. himself) down to earth to die a sadistically painful death, so he could show us how much he loved his other children, as well as to save his other children from the damnation which he himself invented. Wtf, right? He might just qualify as the greatest sadomasochist, ever.
Yahweh is often seen killing babies and commanding genocide, rape, (and, ooh… circumcision*). Also, he once, he sent some bears to rip 42 children apart! Cruel right? He’s got a huge criminal record, this guy. I’m surprised he hasn’t yet been locked up in some asylum. Now, let me tell you, doctor, that Jesus is a completely different character altogether. He’s nice and all that (although he did get pretty cranky at a market or something once).
*Speaking of circumcision, I really wonder why Yahweh even bothered to create the foreskin in the first place, if he disliked it so very much. It’s like the Muslims and their shrouds — burqa thingy, whatever it’s called. Shouldn’t women just be like… born without faces? It would save them a lot of facking trouble. Meh, just my two cents.
I mean, I’m really concerned about Yahweh, doctor. Please let me know if there’s anything I could do to help sort him out. If he keeps this up people are really going to stop having faith in him. But you can’t blame him, doctor, you really can’t. After all, he does like to work in mysterious ways.
The Holy Ghost