Practical Applications of the Bible

You probably wouldn’t believe what I have to say but the bible is actually quite a useful item to have within your reach; here’s why…

1. Squashing roaches – This is my favourite application of the Gideons Bible. As they are often found in old hotel rooms, chances are you might also come across some roaches, so don’t panic just grab your Gideons Bible, aim and hope for the best.

2. Toilet paper – So this is what lots of people do when they run out of toilet paper and happen to have a bible in their bathroom. However, I should remind you that this practice has recently been discouraged; it so happens that you shouldn’t really try to wipe crap off with more crap.

3. As a substitute for firewood – Akay I’m against burning books but let’s just say for the sake of argument that you’re freezing to death because of some the-day-after-tomorrow-type global warming event; and by chance you’re trapped in a fundie’s home and there are a lot of bibles. So burn the bibles first before you burn the fundie who wouldn’t shut up about how the bible actually predicted doomsday.

4. Read it – Well books are there to be read so just read the bible and have some good laughs. Look out for stupid quotes and when you see one, yell out “BULLSHIT”. You can do this in groups or as a family game… the more the merrier!