Checklist for Prospective Poes


If you’re looking to participate in the talk-like-a-creationist week here are some tips to get you started.

Do’s:

  • Speak in a moderately condescending manner or with a slight hint of condescension. ✔
    eg. “I’m feeling overwhelmed by the absence of basic human education. It’s all as obvious as the need to breath… to the point of being banal…”
  • In your arguments, mould atheism and ‘evolutionism’ and Darwinism and abiogenesis into one. ✔
  • Where appropriate, attempt sarcasm. ✔
    eg. “You’re almost smarter than every single human being on the planet, past or present. i r ignorant.”
    eg2. “lol Geez, I hope one day I can be only partially as wise as you”
  • Apply non-sequitur. ✔
    eg. “I’m not going to waste much time with this, but it [Bible] IS demonstrated to be true. Every time an injustice is felt in the world, it proves to be true.”
  • Show complete ignorance of science and how it works. ✔
    eg. “These fields of science have not dis-proven anything in the bible. There are scientists within these fields that say it has, but there are also scientists within the fields that say the bible is confirmed by the science of the field.”
    eg2. “Theory of circular momentum…for some reason does not apply to the galaxy and planets”
  • Go off-topic. ✔
    eg. “I read your precious science and it didn’t say anything about making tasty peanut butter and jelly sandwiches…”
  • Ask rhetoric questions to which you already know the answer, and nothing the responder says can change your mind. ✔
    eg. “Evolution has been tested has it? Really? You need to come up with some reasonable arguments rather than sound like an idiot.”
  • Produce logical inconsistencies. ✔
    eg. (too many to quote here).
  • Produce a form of reasoning that is almost too comical to deserve intellectual response. ✔
    eg. “Willfull ignorence is flying in a plane at 30 000 feet, looking out the window then going there was no flood. Haha! When is the last time you looked out the window of a plane? Its common sense.”
  • Quote-mine, or attack the evilutionist prophet Charles Darwin. ✔
  • Demonstrate a level of arrogance whenever possible. ✔
    eg. “First glaring logical flaw is your first answer. Didn’t read further.”
  • Alternatively, just be an asshole. ✔
    eg. “15 to 1 says this post was pointless. Next.”
  • Have a go at a strawman, then laugh your ass off. ✔
    eg. “Nothing exploded and created something, soup and rocks and all kinds of funny theories. My 8 year old son laughed his ass off when his teacher told him that haha!”
  • Produce at least one of the following arguments: ✔
    1. laws of thermodynamics
    2. lack of transitional fossils or fossil hoax
    3. probabilistic arguments
    4. irreducible complexity
    etc…
  • Demonstrate a misconception that “evolution is random chance” at least once in the course of your arguments. ✔
    eg. “… 1 chance in 10^340 million represents winning the California state lottery twice a week for 125 million years …”
    eg2. “… a random advantageous mutation….”
  • Smile pretentiously at end of any insincere statement. ✔
    eg. “nice site, Tim! :)”
  • Always spell ‘truth’ with a capital T. ✔
    eg. “An Atheist attempting to discern the Truths of God… is like an infant attempting quantum physics. :smile.’ Can’t be done.”
  • Resort eventually to Biblical ‘proof’ ✔
    eg. “Another way to find out if God is real is to read about him….Read Genesis then find out if there is any evidence of what is in Genesis. “
  • No matter how rude you were previously, end with kind, Christian blessings. ✔
    eg. “Don’t look now, but your angst is showing. Your disrespect and pre-judgment of an entire group of people (most of whom you don’t even know) is not reciprocated. Blessings,Derek”

Don’ts:

  • Produce an argument. ✘
    eg. “<start> Tim, you misunderstand genetics. </end>”
    eg2. “<start>Wow, you really do have such a minute understanding…</end>”
  • Use elementary logic.
    eg. “You dont realize that atheism is faith in nothing”
  • Perform spell-check.
    eg. “okay…where shall i start, hmm…let’s see, myths!  i wanna say, first, i said we noe it … See moreand i did mean..(none of us believe it) where i continued saying, “i can see u believin in ur wood and stones and tpk”
  • Cite due references.
    eg. “Without some form of religion, many societies and nations will become corruptive. If you disagree, your ignorant to *the facts*. “
  • Use your brain. ✘
    **
    Whatever you do, remember that the most amusing creationist texts will result when the brain is most removed from the entire thinking/writing process.**

So good luck and happy writing… God bless!

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